Apparently Having Sex on Train Tracks is Bad

            

Last week, my local newspaper ran a sobering story about the death of three dogs.  The sad part was that they were run over and decapitated by a train.  The owner was convinced it was some homeless people that lived in the woods nearby.

However, the story changed drastically a couple days later when the paper ran an update.  The new (and I’m sorry to say, but hilarious) explanation reveals that the dogs were alive when they were hit.  They didn’t move because two of them were having sex while the other one was watching.

So the next time you decide to go have sex and have a friend watch, make sure you aren’t on any train tracks.

Tre Flip

If anybody is wanting to know more trickz to do with your carz, besides Ghost Ridin’ da Whip and Tray Surfing, I finally found what I was originally looking for: Tray Sliding.

It’s when you get a front-wheel drive car, 2 fast food restaraunt trays, put the trays under the back tires, lock your emergency brake, then go to work.

twisted trees pt. 2

I found a link over at Design Observer the other day and thought it would make a good update to my previous post about twisting/twisted trees.  Here’s the link to an interview with Richard Reames, the guy behind the cool arborsmithing website.

Oh, and apparently the correct term for all this is Topiary.

A Krump In The Taint

So I was in the local library the other day, checking out my Krump Video–”The Heart of Krump: Getting Buck vs. Acting Krump,” because I can never tell when is the right time to Act Krump, or rather, Get Buck.

I was also wanting to see if they had the icing on the cake–”Breakin’ vs. Krumpin’: The Battle of the Century” (featuring Shabba Doo and ?Todd Bridges?)

So I got the DVD’s and wanted to check one more thing.  I went to see if they had any audiobooks of Neal Stephenson’s Quicksilver (because I am too lazy to read a thousand page book) and I happened to come across an oddly titled book–A Taint In The Blood.

OooooKkkkaaaayyyy.  I guess it’s better than Blood In The Taint.

Pinstripe Hype

Ok, I have to give credit to my co-worker Ben for the title.  But for the past week at work we’ve had some (holy shit) downtime.  I’ve had a chance to relax and actually work on my own project.  It is a 10 minute video of pinstriping.

Pinstriping is an art in its own right and the painters who do pinstriping have hands steadier than brain surgeons.  I truly admire them.  I can also watch them paint all day.

That’s why I just wanted to put together a shitload of scrap footage that was steadily oxidizing off the magnetic tape in the back room.  It in no way showcases my editing skills, but that’s not what this was about.  I just wanted to let people watch extended footage of pinstriping.

If the above link doesn’t work, go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOaEhMHe3jo

*Update (before this post was even published)–BoingBoing posted the link!  Cool, thanks Mark.

#1 Baller!

                  

I just wanted to let everybody know that I’m a #1 Baller.  I mean, I knew it before, but now I’ve got the proof.  See the yardsale-found sign?  See the Nike Baller ID Bands?  That says it right there.

I mean, when you’re a Baller, you really gotta flaunt it, you know, let it show.  I’d totally be a Baller without all this, it’s just that now there’s no question.  And it also serves as a reminder in case anyone forgets, like, “Hey, sorry I forgot you Balled so hard.  But I noticed your wristbands and am reminded of that fact.  Ball On!”  Straight Up!

And when you’re a Baller, sometimes you gotta just spend some money on yourself to express your Ball-ness to people.  The whole $1.22 I spent (combined) on the above items is something I like to view as “spoiling myself.”  Because when you Ball, you gotta know you’re worth it, and these say, “I’m worth it.  All $1.22 of it.”  And not a penny of it went to cancer research.  Double Straight Up!  Why?  ‘Cuz that ain’t Ballin, son!  In fact that’s like Anti-Ballin.  Literally.  And theirs only come in Yellow.  That ain’t a Ballin color!  These let me accessorize in 3, count ‘em, THREE! totally different colors.  White (not too Ballin, but it’ll work), Green (now we’re gettin there), and Black (Oh SNAP! There It Is!).

So if any other Ballers out there wanna get laced with the hottest piece of gear, head to the clearance rack of your local sporting goods store.  And yardsales help too.

 Ball On.

I once saw Hip Hop do a roundhouse kick & kill Chuck Norris

                         

Aiight, just a reminder, Scribble Jam is this weekend, and damn I wish I could go.

But in related news, I should have been wearing my tinfoil hat

                            

because the Hip Hop gods read my mind and teamed up the most ballin’-ist whiteboys they could find to collaborate.  I mean, this is earthshattering, prayers-answered type stuff.  El-P is releasing a new album and HE HAS ENLISTED MR. DIBBS TO ROCK THE TABLES!!!  Mr. Dibbs is steady rollin’ as one of my favorite DJ’s, and was doing “mash ups” before Dangermouse had hearda Jay-Z.

                      

DON’T SLEEP!  This is like the Hip Hop equivalent of a chocolate/peanutbutter conglomeration.  Except they’re white, so I guess it’s like white chocolate and macadamia nuts.

Work Killed the Video Star

            

So I edit video.  I make TV for a living and, I’m sorry.  Look, I hate TV too, but it’s not like I can just edit all day and get paid.  Right?  I guess you can.  Here’s an old article the New York Times ran about artists who make video “art.”

Yeah, I’m jealous.  While my work is commercial in nature, and yes, I’ve made local commercials…I like to think of myself as an “artist.”  Or maybe a “visual designer” seeing as how “designers” are the new stars.  But anyway, I don’t want to think of myself–as El-P would put it–as someone “commissioning Phase 2 to paint a one-color stick figure,” but I guess you have to pay bills.

But art is so f’d up.  I hate talking about it.  Especially when these people are making who knows how much on some boring jump cuts.  Maybe they’re not boring, probably entertaining.  But paying someone thou$and$ of dollars to get back a BetaSP tape?  I don’t think so…oh wait, that’s what corporations do with ad agencies and post houses like where I work.

twisted trees

                       

So, my site’s name is twistedtrees.com.  Although it didn’t start out as an innocent name for botanical formations, it has kinda grown into a metaphor for things I think are interesting: Organic beings that take new shapes and forms; inanimate objects that mess with peoples’ heads (like the game of Tetris that won’t give you the long, straight piece when you need it.)

I like design and my hope is that design comes away from the clean, straight lines and white/neutral color schemes that make everything look like the inside of an iPod, and move into more organic shapes and colors.  I like the idea of getting designs from nature.  The thought of using cells and biotechnology to make tomorrows computers.  I should shut up and talk about what I know–which isn’t molecular biology.

But the design concept is what twistedtrees transformed into really, and out of that comes a new perspective in design–Sustainability.  That’s what William McDonough + (that’s “design speak” for AND) partners have created with their Cradle To Cradle design process.  It’s the idea that an object or chair or table or whatever, should be able to come from the earth and return to it without harming the environment.

Yes, it’s very tree-humping, but the ideas are innovative (design + business’ newest buzzword.)  One project I found interesting involved putting water absorbing plants on the roof instead of traditional drainage systems.  It also acts as an insulator and helps reduce their HVAC costs, while at the same time making it more aestetically pleasing to look at.  It is also an innitiative that Chicago Mayor Richard Daley is bringing to his city.

But why is this relevant to my shitty blog, well in college I had a Functional Design Class.  Basically it was an advanced woodshop class.  But for my final project I wanted to make a birdcage out of driftwood.  I love the smooth lines of driftwood and the feel of it.  I liked the way it twisted.  But most of all, I liked the idea of being able to make something functional out of existing organics.

That’s where Arborsmith comes in.  They’ve taken the idea to a whole new level, breeding and cross-breeding and splicing plants and trees to actually create objects.  Chairs, trellaces, tables and swings that are grown from the ground.  The World Tour section is really cool, definitely check it out.

I guess I should’ve found it sooner though.  For the past couple years I’ll occasionally get an email asking about bonsai trees or horticulture.  I know there’s another website with a name like mine actually devoted to twisting trees, and no, it’s not High Times.  I guess what goes around, comes around; or rather goes cradle to cradle.

Tetrance

                       

Tetris is Zen.  I almost forgot about the best game of all time.  It beats Super Mario Brothers hands-down.  It-not unlike good music or food-seems to be so simple, but yet have complex layers upon layers to destroy your mind trying to figure out how to master it.  I also almost forgot about My Favorite Tetris Site.  It does such a great job getting into the head of someone truly obsessed with a game.  Not only do they provide a great treatise on The Spirituality of Tetris, they also provide a set of Tetris Definitions that includes “Nocturnal Tetraculation” which, while looking for this website, I stumbled across in an Actual Sleep Study documenting the phenomenon.  There is an underlying force to this universe, and it started with Alexey Pajitnov.